Ugly and Stupid

Posted in Technology

Fuck it. All cell phones suck. All cell phones suck.

I have incredibly few needs from a cell phone. Fewer than most, actually. But because those needs don’t intersect well with those of most, I can’t find a phone that fills all those needs.

Here’s what I want:

  • Elegant and minimalist, not looking like it was rippled from the control panel of a ship from Spaceballs.
  • Bluetooth. This is non‐negotiable. It’s also what eliminates eighty percent of phones.
  • A halfway‐decent user interface. Apparently this is hard. Why is this hard? Why can’t I get a screen, color or no, that can accomodate more than three lines of text? Why are the buttons on a phone designed to be as hard to press as possible? Why does it take ninety seconds to send a five‐word text message?

I swear this is all I need. Anyone have a phone like this?