Industrial-Strength Panty Remover

Posted in Music

I used to have a guitar‐playing roommate. He was the troubador of the quad — whenever I saw him outside our room he had his guitar slung over his back and his eyes in “brooding” mode.

Chicks ate that shit up. You’d think that women in the honors dorms would be a bit more wily, but there must be something about the first few chords of DMB’s “Crash Into Me” that penetrates the defenses and causes harmonic vibrations in the clitoris.

Thus I present a short list of panty‐removing songs. Get a guitar, practice for a week, and buy some condoms. You won’t even need to be that good — trust me. They won’t care.

  • 3am – Matchbox Twenty
  • Drive – Incubus
  • Hallelujah – Jeff Buckley
  • New Slang – The Shins
  • Brown‐Eyed Girl – Van Morrison
  • Fire and Rain – James Taylor
  • The General – Dispatch
  • Collide – Howie Day
  • Only Want To Be With You – Fuckin’ Hootie

Go forth and multiply!

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