I’ve never really seen anything like [Drew Brees]. He’s maybe barely 6 feet tall and he moves around there like he’s seeing everything. I can’t see a thing half the time, and I’m the same height. He’s super special.
I started having a crazy idea in the fourth inning that Richard Nixon was the home plate umpire, and once I thought I was pitching a baseball to Jimi Hendrix, who to me was holding a guitar and swinging it over the plate.
Chris Paul plays for the New Orleans Hornets. You can’t have him. He belongs to us.
We’re going to hear about how [the Arizona Cardinals] magically transformed themselves at the end of the season. We’re going to hear about the remarkable comeback of Kurt Warner. We’re going to hear about how marvelous it is for the National Football League that a Super Bowl championship is within the grasp of a team so thickly dripping with obvious mediocrity that it’s a wonder Charlie Sheen isn’t playing left guard. We are going to hear all of this because the NFL and its broadcast partners operate on the very simple premise that everybody who reports—or follows—their sport on television is a paste‐eating moron.