Mar14
“Secrets of JavaScript Libraries” audience
Thanks to the SXSW crowd for filling the ballroom. I hope it was worth it to witness us point at slides filled with code.
Mar12
The panel yesterday went very well. Thanks to the code-hungry attendees for filling a ballroom for the most technical panel of the conference! John has posted the slides from the talk. Audio will be released eventually, but I don’t know when.
(2)Mar8
The REAL Secrets of JavaScript Libraries
I must be slacking off: SXSW has already started and I still haven’t penned the “come to my panel” post. So here it is.
On Tuesday, I will be sharing the mic with several brilliant individuals whose feet I am not qualified to wash: Sam Stephenson, Thomas Fuchs, John Resig, and Alex Russell. To drive home how high the bar is: I will be the only person on that stage who has not written his own enormously popular JavaScript library.
We’ll be revealing the secrets of JavaScript libraries. To my dismay and disappointment, the “secrets” to be shared will include nothing scandalous. We will drop no dimes. We’ll simply talk about how you can use some of the techniques we employ as problem-solving strategies in your own code.
It’s a shame, too, because I have a whole lot of dirt on my colleagues. I’d been saving it up for my gigantic, Zed Shaw–like “fuck you guys, I’m outta here” blog post (tentatively scheduled to happen ~18 months from now), but I can’t let this opportunity slip by.
Are you ready, Internet? Here are the real secrets of JavaScript libraries:
- Sam Stephenson has a reputation for being reclusive and mysterious, disappearing from IM and mailing lists for weeks at a time. Not true! He simply has crappy DSL service at home. The contract he signed with the phone company has a guarantee of only 5% uptime.
- The Dojo Toolkit got its name in 2004 when Alex Russell was inspired to write 6,000 lines of JavaScript after watching The Karate Kid, Part II on TNT.
- At the risk of undermining our efforts, I must reveal that the Prototype developers have been lobbying the ECMAScript 4 working group to introduce several new characters as valid to use in identifiers:
£,¢, and€. We need more currency symbols with which to name functions. - John Resig has murdered people. No, seriously.
Actually, I suppose that doesn’t count as a secret about JavaScript libraries. So… oops. Sorry, John.
- When Jon Snook stopped using Prototype exclusively, and started experimenting with Mootools and jQuery, I cried for a week. Then I cut him out of all my photographs, removed his RSS feed from my reader, and moved on. (But I still pretend there is no such place as “Canada.”)
-
The human you know as “Douglas Crockford” does not exist. He began as an anthorpomorphized straw-man: we created a web site, placed interesting content therein, but added a controversial and/or nonsensical article every so often so that one of us could post a masterful rebuttal on his personal blog. The whole thing was an elaborate scheme to drive up traffic and make ourselves look good.
When people started taking these writings seriously, and invited Crockford to speak at conferences, we hired an actor to assume the persona. In other words: Doug Crockford is to the JavaScript community as Tony Clifton was to Andy Kaufman. So if someone comes up to you, extends his hand, and says, “Hi, I’m Doug Crockford,” play along! You’ll be participiating in a subersive ruse!
See you on Tuesday, folks. Assuming I haven’t been assassinated by then.
Mar5
Don’t get me wrong: on balance, I’m thrilled with the standards support in Internet Explorer 8. But I’ll highlight two areas that really disappoint me. The first is the fact that IE’s proprietary event system is here to stay. The second is that, apart from generated content, giant parts of CSS 2.1 are still unsupported (like :first-child). This dilutes the value of IE8’s support for the Selectors API. If you’re running the beta, this test page will tell you whether it groks a particular selector. I’m sure all this will come up at select SXSWi panels.
Feb21
Our competition is not so much other television shows as it is Guitar Hero.
Feb18
In some places I found that Democrats were imitating Republican methods. They excused it by saying that they were fighting the devil with fire. This is no excuse. It is poor policy to fight the devil with fire. He knows more about fire than you do and does not have to pay so much for fuel.
William Jennings Bryan
Feb6
Instead of actually performing as a watchdog over Bush’s already out-of-control domestic spies, [Ranking Democrat on Senate Intelligence Committee Jay] Rockefeller spent most of his time hiding under his desk, issuing secret letters of “protest” that he showed to no one, and which — astoundingly! — had no effect. His excuse, of course, was that he feared revealing critical “national security” information. But as people who actually know what they’re talking about have pointed out, Rockefeller blew it HUGE, failing to understand the constitutional imperative of speaking out, and the protections available to him in doing so. He is a stone moron, and it will cost you your freedom some day very soon.
Feb5
I want someone who can lead the country. When people grow cynical and detached from government, or blinded by partisanship, evil runs amok. Obama represents an honest shot at making our government something we can be proud of. I’m tired of throwing things at CNN. I’m tired of feeling depressed when I read speeches by the founding fathers. I want Jon Stewart to smile again. For a brief moment, next Tuesday, we’ll have a shot at finally getting things right. Please help.
Feb3
It is part of the myth of America that anyone can be President. For the past 20 years, it’s been true that anyone can be President so long as they are called Bush or Clinton. If Hillary spends two terms in the White House, family dynasties will have commanded the Great Republic for more than a quarter of a century. At an Obama event in New York, I saw a placard with a potent slogan. It simply said: “The White House is not a time share.”
Feb1
As I told a Republican friend this morning, it is with some regret and chagrin that I am forced to recognize that the only serious opposition to McCain within Republican circles appears to be from people with active personality disorders.
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